They say time is a healer. To an extent, I agree.
Some losses never heal, you just learn to carry the burden and shed a tear every now and then.
It’s been 4 long hard years since my Dad suddenly passed away. This is what I have learnt.
From the very moment the Doctor made that heart breaking, gut wrenching declaration on August 19th 2012 my world hasn’t been the same. It collapsed around me, crushed me, took my breath away and stole a part of me. Right there in the Hospital.
Did it change me as a person? Yes. Did I let it beat me? No.
Everyone deals with grief and mourning in their own way but I personally can’t stand dwelling on things. I pick myself up, dust myself off and move on as best I can. My life goes on and does the lives of my family. Locking ourselves away in a maudlin fog of sadness isn’t going to help anyone.
Not a day goes by when I don’t wish I could just drop my Dad a quick text for advice or to tell him something funny I heard. His number is still in my phone and I have transferred the number in to my new phones since 2012. My old land line will always be in my phone as Mam + Dad and my Mam will always be ‘married’.
What have I learnt about grief in the last 4yr? Grief is a funny old thing and it will creep up and slap you when you least expect it or at your darkest day, it will have you roaring in laughter because you remembered something positive about your loved one.
I learnt that there is no deadline to be ‘over’ your grief and it’s something you carry with you forever. Things get easier and the good days outweigh the bad but it never goes.
Since 2012, we have been through some other pretty shit times with other losses and on the flipside, periods of great happiness but we always move on. Together.
Since my Dad passed away my relationship with my Mam has improved ten fold and she truly is my best friend. We have muddled on together to get through things and it’s made us realise how strong we both are. Together and apart.
Cry when you need to, laugh when you need to and just accept the sadness never goes away but becomes outweighed by the happy memories. Don’t let anyone else ever tell you how to grieve and how long it should last.
I’m writing this on my own in my office and I’m having a little cry now. It’s cathartic to let it all out and I really hope my ramblings might help someone else out there who is suffering with loss. Things do get better.
If you need to talk – I understand.
I’ve read lots of grief and rememberance posts since my dad died – like yours, suddenly – last year, and it makes me sad so many people have had to endure loss. But this was beautifully written. The bit about your dad’s number on your phone had the tears flowing. Because I realised that I haven’t taken my dad’s number off my favourites. I know if I call it another person will answer, but it needs to stay there. For now. It was something I thought no one else would do or understand, I’m so glad you shared.
I’m sorry you’ve had to go through losing your dad. I’m sorry. I know you’ve had to endure grieving for a longer time than me, and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry that due to such stupid circumstances you had to even write this post. But thank you for writing it. Even though it made me cry.
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The phone number is a part of something no one ever tells you about.
Some of the most hurtful comments have come from people who haven’t dealt with loss in this way, and I sincerely hope they never have to.
Thank you so much for commenting – it means a lot.
Sorry for loss I’ve related to alot of things with what you’ve said I agree talking helps tenfold but only do it when your ready when I lost my parents it was very much from family “talk to me about it” and I just didn’t feel ready, so kinda made things worse for me. By having to repeatedly go over and over how I felt
What you’ve said about keeping your dad’s number I’ve brought my parents mobile numbers to every phone since 2007 when I lost my dad kinda been a bit ashamed of it as thought it was a silly thing to do, and kept trying to convince myself to delete them but could never go through with it. At least now I know it’s not just me 🙂 so thank you for that truly 🙂
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Thank you for commenting Andy.
You’d be surprised how many people have said they too have held on to phone numbers, either by choice or subconsciously.
Thinking of you hunni .. it’s always good to have a little cry xx
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Thank you love x